Here is a photograph of me and my pastor, John Gargis (left), during a recent visit. I love my pastor, but I hate pictures of me. Here’s why:
1) I hate pictures because I can’t relax. The photographer has you stand in front of the camera and say, “Cheese.” I guess this is supposed to make you look like you are smiling. But the idea of saying “cheese” has always made me uncomfortable. As a result, the smile comes across as forced. The viewer may not know it, but I do. I don’t think I look happy!
2) I have chubby cheeks. So when I say “cheese,” it looks like I have a mouth full of chewing tobacco. Yuk, I don’t use tobacco.
3) Saying “cheese” also makes me look phony. I have a silly look on my face. How can a man with such a serious name, “Bernard Addison,” have such a silly or stupid look on his face? I look undignified.
4) If I don’t say “cheese,” I then have an unfriendly or mean look on my face. I have tried to take pictures saying other things, and I looked even meaner. People have said, “Your pictures were fine, but why were you frowning?”
5) The picture tells the truth. I know I don’t like profile shots. These highlight my chubby face. The shots do not give me the dignified and serious but friendly look I always wanted. Profile shots just make me look goofy.
6) The photographer gets too close. Close-ups really bother me. These shots invade my space and make me feel even more uncomfortable. It’s like the photographer took the picture standing two inches from your face.
7) The picture is taken from floor level. Which is an awkward angle. I am never comfortable for these shots.
8) Pictures seem to add weight to you. I weigh enough with being made to look fatter.
9) Pictures make you the center of attention. I always preferred to be in the background.
10) I am just shy. Pictures, to me, try to reveal your secrets, flaws, or fears. They are too personal.
These are reasons why pictures do not make me happy.
Bernard Addison is serving 46 months for Conspiracy to Commit Mail Fraud. Questions or comments can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org or to:
Bernard Addison/ 44863-074/ FPC-Atlanta; Dorm D/ P.O. Box 150160/ Atlanta, GA 30315